F My Life

A couple of days ago, I discovered a phenomenal website that has greatly aided the quality of my life in more ways than one. I really have only felt this way about several internet finds (SaleHabit, the site that allows you to send an "I have an STD and you might too!" e-card anonymously, Elf Yourself, FabSugar, Facebook chat). This website has now joined a league of rare quality and affection. I am referring to www.fmylife.com.

Upon first glance, Fmylife is a poor man's Seventeen Magazine embarrasing moments section, but upon careful and tedious review, one finds that it is so much more than that. A few recent posts:

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

This site is glorious. It is the epitome of Schadenfruede. That word may make it look like I have picked up some Danish, but it really means "pleasure from observing the misery of another" in German. I learned it from Avenue Q, an R-rated puppet play that takes much pleasure from observing the misery of others, and although it is not technically Danish, I am fairly certain the Danes would relate. Yesterday, as I was crossing Norre Volgade, I tripped and knocked my falafel sandwich out of my hand. It fell on the floor along with my Blackberry and I picked it up and would have ate it anyway if I hadn't noticed the attractive blonde Danish girls next to me blatantly pointing and laughing at me. F these cobblestones.